At first, it was subtle—longer nights, colder silences, irritation over ordinary questions. He started checking his phone face down. He became impatient with my exhaustion, my body, my emotions… with the simple fact that I needed him at the exact moment he was beginning to disappear.
I told myself all marriages had seasons.
I told myself stress made people distant.
I told myself too many things.
My daughter was six weeks old when I found him.
I hadn’t meant to go upstairs. I had gone to the kitchen for the bottle warmer. I remember the ache in my body, the heaviness in my chest, the strange drifting feeling of moving through my own house half-asleep.
I heard laughter before I reached the bedroom.
A woman’s laughter.
Low. Comfortable. Familiar.
His secretary, Nina, was sprawled across my bed wearing one of my robes.
Alexander looked at me as if I had interrupted a meeting.
No panic. No shame. No apology.
For a moment, all I heard was the blood rushing in my ears.
Then he sighed.
Actually sighed.
“Since you know,” he said, “let’s not make this uglier than it has to be.”
I laughed—sharp, broken.
“Uglier?” I said. “You’re in our bed.”